Cultural Confusion

Today I had some cultural considerations. Before we left Kabul I met with the driver who was driving us the last time and he then asked when I would come back to Kabul. I answered I would return on Sunday and leave again on Tuesday. Then he invited me to dinner with his family on Monday evening. I found it very flattering and thanked and agreed. But we never decided on the details, we only changed phone numbers, but did not say who would call who.

At the same time as I am very flattered and happy to be invited and really wanted to meet his family again and hopefully would have some more time to talk to them and hear more about how they live and think, I also felt a bit hesitant. I know it is against all security recommendations to go out alone like that with someone you don’t really know. But I do trust him and I have been there before. But this time it would have been more planned which in a way is riskier and it would also mean movement after dark which normally is recommended to avoid. And I also did not really know how to get there and back. Last time he drove me, but I am not sure whether he has a car of his own and I don’t think he would be able to use the company car in the evening.

Anyway; now when we came back to Kabul I did not know if I should call him or not. I felt that my colleague was not too thrilled about me moving around on my own with an Afghan at night, but I mostly wondered what would be the most culturally acceptable. Was I to call and let him know I was back? Or would that be like inviting myself? Should I just wait and see if he called or would it be pushy and not correct to call an international woman? Was it very rude not to make this invitation happen? I just did not know what to do so I just did not call and neither did he. It is a bit sad; I would really have liked to visit his family again. They all seemed so nice and I even bought a small gift for them in Mazar, but I did just not know what would have been the correct thing to do.

Ok, we had some meeting quite late and after that our other driver took me and my colleague out for a small sightseeing, so I had some other nice things to do, but it would have been such an opportunity to speak to some “normal” Afghans under nice circumstances.

I managed to make some small cultural blunders in the evening as well. While we were having dinner at the Serena some high shot person dressed in the traditional clothes from the Gulf came in. You could tell he was a VIP both from his two body guards and from the way the staff reacted. For one they immediately turned down the rather annoying music (pan-flute versions of Beatles songs!). Then it happened that I went to the dessert buffet at the same time as the VIP and he started talking to me and explaining one of the desserts, what it contained and that it is very common in Egypt. As he repeated Egypt a couple of times I eventually asked if he came from Egypt. Then he told me that he was the ambassador of UAE and pointing to his clothes saying “this you only see in the Gulf”. I felt so stupid. Of cause I know, but it just came across in the wrong way. Later I wanted to tell him that I really liked the dessert and thank him for the recommendation and I asked once more what it was called. Obviously he misunderstood me and thought I asked what his name was and answered “Mohammed”. That made me fell very stupid again as I then did not know whether to introduce myself or just tell him that I was actually more interested in the name of the dessert. I opted for the latter option. After that I thought I’d better stay away and not talk to him more in case his body guards would start to regard me as an annoyance and have me thrown out.